User talk:Chiefbroom8/CIA Limo Turbo
My CIA car is a stretch limo. It is black and armor-plated, able to repel any small firearms, IEDs and even TOW missiles. The driver of the car is a gentleman named Miles. Miles is a 32-year-old former SEAL, a blackbelt in karate, excellent marksman and explosives expert. Miles is a trusted agent in CIA II, and no one knows of his undercover except Seamus O'Malley III (aka donquixote8, aka chiefbroom8). Miles is armed with an AK-47, a 45mm handgun and an astonishingly large assortment of grenades and explosives. The car is mine, and in case you didn't know it, I am Seamus O'Malley III. I sit in the very rear of the car in a compartment which holds six people comfortably. I am accompanied always by three Geishas, two in their late 20s, one in her early 30s. They are all extremely beautiful and erotic young women. All three play stringed instruments, and they sing lovely songs when i ask them to. They all like me a lot and think I am both witty and funny. I have three laptops in the car. One connects me directly to the president of the United States; one connects me to DNI, NSA, FBI and homeland security; one is an all purpose computer, which I use for general purposes. My CIA car is my rolling office. I drive around Washington, D.C., all day meeting with politicians and various heads of the U.S. intelligence community and various friends. I have three secure telephones in the limo, and like Miles I am armed with a 45 mm pistol and an AK-47. The car has D.C. license plate #47-2308. I have been riding around in this car for about five years now and have yet to be attacked. Mmebers of al Qaeda and other radical Muslim groups know of the car, but have not figured out yet a way to attack it.--chiefbroom8 04:08, 24 March 2008 (UTC) Chapter 2 Al Qaeda was desperate to kill me, Seamus O'Malley III, donquixote8, etc. They knew if they killed me they would severely disrupt--in fact, cripple--the entire U.S. intelligence community. Nairobi al Haq was the head of all 12 al Qaeda sleeper cells in the Washington, D.C., metropolitan area. Haq's personality was seriously distorted. He was a sociopathic killer reminiscent of the murderer in the Coen brothers' film "No Country for Old Men." In fact, Haq, after viewing "No Country for Old Men," purchased a device similar to the one used by the killer in the movie. Haq had never used the device to murder anyone, but he used it sa motivating tool of sorts. He threatened most all of his subordinates with the device when they brought him displeasure, which was frequent. Haq, holding the compressor of the nail-firing device thingee in his left hand, would point the device directly to the middle of the foreheads of his lieutenants and tell them to please hold still. All of Haq's men and women cowered at the sight of him--him holding the zapper device in either hand. Haq was obsessed with the idea of killing O'Malley III. He, al Haq, was tormented because he knew of no way to kill O'Malley III, who thrived in the protection of his CIA, turbo, Geisha-laden limo. On Thursday, March 27, 2008, Haq, desperate, evil--in fact, possessed by the devil--obsessed with destroying the United States of America (home of Superman, by the way), vitriolic and egregiously mentally ill, decided to act. He ordered his three best operatives to attack O'Malley in his CIA limo. O'Malley every day (Monday thru Friday) at 3:14 sharp picked up his 16-year-old daughter, Lolita, a junior at Yorktown High School in Arlington. O'Malley's routes throughout the day were generally unpredictable, but he was fond of driving along the Potomac River and under the Memorial Bridge. Haq guessed correctly that on Friday, March 28, O'Malley in his CIA limo would drive alongside the Potomac (an inexcusably and shamelessly polluted body of water, by the way) and under the Memorial Bridge. Haq: made the plan: The three operatives would attack O'Malley in his limo, using shoulder-launched missile weapons while perched on the Memorail Bridge. The shoulder launched missile weapons were originally provided to the mujaheddin in the Soviet-Afghan conflict by the CIA. They, along with hundreds of Ak-47s, were smuggled into the U.S. and stored in the 12 al Qaeda safe houses. At 2:45 p.m. Haq's three best men loaded a black, Secret-Service-looking SUV with their shoulder launched missile weapons and three AK-47s. They drove from their safe house in Arlington and arrived at the Memorial Bridge overpass which O'Malley was fond of crossing. The three operatives parked their SUV directly over where O'Malley would pass. They pulled out the tools to change a tire and feigned as if they were working on changing a tire. O'Malley's limo truned right off 395 onto the road along the Potomac. Two flags (an American flag and the flag of Ireland) attached to the back bumpers of O'Malley's CIA turbo limo flapped sort of like like pancakes in the wind. As the limo neared the bridge, the three al Qaeda operatives--all sociopaths and trained murderers--went into action. They pulled out their shoulder-launched missile weapons and took up positions on the bridge looking down at the underpass. They steadied their weapons against the wall of the bridge adn took aim. AS O'Malley approached, they fired. All three missiles were direct hits. One hit the hood of the car just in front of Miles. One hit the radiator grill on the front of the car, adn the third hit directly on the missle of the limo's roof. As if by magic, the turbo limo repelled the missiles defecting them harmlessly into the Potomac. The three operatives were astonished and increduluos, yet infected by the devil with bile-like hatred and evil, they yanked their AK-47s from the SUV and began to spray O'Malley's limo with bullets. Miles, who had seen plenty of action in numerous hot spots throughout the world as a Navy SEAL, was nonplussed by the attack. Bullets, hundreds of them, bounced off the turbo limo like hail in a winter storm. The three Geisha girls were frightened and recoiled cowering and seeking shelter in the rear of the limo. Miles yanked the CIA turbo limo hard to the left after he passed under the bridge and drove her on the grass embankment. He floored her and drove up a grassy hill and then yanked her hard to the left and onto Memorial Bridge. Miles swerved the CIA turbo machine again hard to the left in effect creating a wall with the limo between him, O'Malley and the Geisha girls and the three al Qaeda operatives, who stood exposed just 20 feet from the car. Mechanically, robotically, Rambo-like and Arnold Schwarzeneger-like. Miles cooly swung the door to the limo open. He threw simultaneously two grenades at the al Qaeda operatives. He then took aim and fired, blowing off the heads of two of the operatives. O'Malley too was nonplussed. During the action he felt a strange calm permeate hsi entire being. He thought of Gen. George Patton, and he considered his destiny. O'Malley, who had never seen militar action before, and who had fled to Swedn too avoid the draft and the Vietnam War in 1970, calmly exited the CIA turbo limo and braced his AK against his shoulder. Thinking that his actions were preordained by God O'Malley took aim and blew off teh head of the third and last standing operative. The two grenades then blew up, one right after the other, pulverizing the al Qaedas' SUV. Miles approached the beheaded corpses of the al Qaeda operatives and with his foot turned each of the corpses over. Miles turned to O'Malley and said, "Good job, chief. Let's go." The two men returned to the limo and Miles sped off. Both of the men felt like Superman. Neither experienced a bit of remorse. O'Malley comforted the Geisha girls, who recovered quickly and at O'Malley's request began to play on their stringed instruments. Miles and O'Malley picked up Lolita right on schedule and Lolita discovered things as usual, nothing amiss. The names of the evil al Quaeda dudes were Amine Sadr, Muhammed Abbas, Issam Abdul-Hafiz. They were 27, 28 and 29 years old, respectively. Sadr had been married with two children. Abbas was single and estranged from his family because of his radical views, and Abdul-Hafiz was the illegitamte father of three children, aged 2, 2, and 6. On Saturday, the 29th, The Washington Post newspaper ran a three-inch story buried in its Metro section about how a minor traffic disruption had occurred on the Memorial Bridge at about 3 p.m. on the day before. Haq, upon hearing of the failed assassination attempt agains t the U.S.'s greatest intelligence operatives, like a Japanese kamikaze amrtyr or something took his own life, well aware that ther ws no way he could ever kill O'Malley. Haq, holding the compressor in his left hand directed the point of the nail gun, cowhead-piercing device and spike himself on the middle of hsi forehead. And Haq went directly to hell. --toysoldier5 05:58, 29 March 2008 (UTC) 3 or 4 but all these empty beer bottles (note to drs chang and saliver: NA lol) are in my way okay. for real now. for really for real like when God started the universe, that tricky trickster, God. Miles, my Navy SEALs chauffeur, pulled up my limo precisely at 4:30 pm today. He knew I had a date at 6 to go bowling with Pamela Mayo. I had run 10 miles earlier in the day and was feeling good--not manic, mind you, just good. The way good people are supposed to feel. Anyway, my SEALs equipment--glock and super-cool rifle of some sort, knee pads and shit, kevlat helmet maybe lol--had arrived in the mail so put my gear in the trunk of the car. No need to alarm Pamela on our second date. That's about it for now. more later. after the date. hmmm. the limo wasn't delivered. had a great date tho.